All Things New

Yesterday began 2016. A New Year. And so of course, everywhere you looked people were posting things about Newness, Fresh Starts, New You's, Letting Go of the Old and Embracing The New. We can't help it. A New Year feels like a fresh start. December is lovely, but Dark. The days shortening until a full half of the day is night. And Busy. We blink at Thanksgiving and somehow find ourselves transported through a foggy whirlwind of decorations, parties, shopping, food-making, and obligations to Christmas. The next week we are in a daze. How did we get here? How did I eat so much? How is it that another year is already over? How did I not accomplish anything I had planned on doing? Again?

This is why I'm not big on Resolutions. I always feel that if I think of a goal I'd like to accomplish, I should start on it, not wait for The Perfect Time. Good in theory, but I'm bad at it in practice. I suffer from that certain form of procrastination, you know the one that seductively lies to you and tells you that everything has to be "just so" in order to get started on something. Or finish something you've already started after you've been off-task for a while. If the timing isn't right, if conditions aren't perfect, if I only have five minutes instead of the hour I wanted... well, can't work on that right now.

Lies.

So here's my goal. Not my resolution. Just a goal I happened to come up with at this time of year because a couple of weeks ago I was doing my annual end-of-the-year mopey pondering and beating myself up. Regretting all the things I failed to do. Again.

The goal:  STOP IT ALREADY! Just do it! Even if I only do it for five minutes. Go to bed every day wrecked because I fought hard all day to accomplish my goals. It doesn't matter what they are, if I care enough to set them, they matter enough to fight for! No excuses. Play dirty if that's what it takes! (Against my fears and bad habits.)

And this is where we circle back round to the New Year, New Things, thing. I don't think it's possible to accomplish that goal without fully letting go of any regrets over past mistakes. Learning from the past is good, dwelling on it is crippling.

And in that spirit - two Bible verses I claim for this point in my life.

"Thus says the Lord . . .    

18 

'Remember not the former things,

    nor consider the things of old.

19 

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

    and rivers in the desert.'"

~ Isaiah 43: 16, 18-19

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

I press on toward the goal. 

~Philippians 3:13-14

Here's to Fighting for a Wonderful 2016!

Leaving my Past in the Behind (or something like that)

Ok, so the quote is actually "Pumbaa: It's times like this my buddy Timon here says: you got to put your behind in your past. 
Timon: No, no, no. Amateur. Lie down before you hurt yourself. It's "You got to put your past behind you."  ~from The Lion King  , but I obviously remembered it a bit differently.


I am deep in the middle of completely resetting my life, in basically every way... from my career, to a possible move, to the current complete reorganization of my current living space. This weekend's project was switching my closet around from my Spring/Summer wardrobe to my Fall/Winter one. Yay fall!!

One thing I nearly always do during this seasonal switch is clean out things I no longer wear and either give them to Goodwill if they are nice, tear them up as rags if they are cotton and already ripped or torn, or possibly throw them away if they are completely unusable (this is a rare option for me, usually only reserved for items like shoes which are completely worn out). I actually find great joy in this twice-yearly ritual. I love being able to give things away which I no longer need and someone else might.

Oddly though, the last couple of years I have found that it was harder to give things away... for a variety of reasons maybe, but I think a big one was my lack of funds to buy new things to replace them. I'm not lamenting my lack of shopping but I found something odd (for me) happening during this time; unprecedented bouts of nostalgia. Over and over I kept seeing clothes and shoes that I no longer wear but simply could not find it in me to part with due to the memories and feelings they evoked when I looked at them... parts of my life I enjoyed remembering and, in a vague way, almost wished I could go back to. No, I do not want to go back, I too highly value the lessons I've learned and how I am much more comfortable with myself than I was even a few years ago. However, I love the memories, and do not want to lose them.

What I have now realized is that I can have the best of both worlds! I can take pictures of these treasured items and then give them away! I am incredibly excited about this, partly because of the space I will have in my closet, but also I think because it is part of letting go of my past and moving forward to a future which I am very excited about. Whole new worlds truly are opening up to me, things I never thought I could do or be are becoming realities, and I know that I cannot go where I want if I'm weighted down by the past.

A New Start

A few days ago a friend posted a facebook about how hitting a reset button was so simple and yet it was all the difference between darkness and light.  And that describes my life perfectly right now.  For the last six years I was in a job that made me absolutely miserable (not to mention I didn't have any vacations that were more than a long weekend).

Two months ago I resigned from that job, and my last day was June 29th.  I am so very thankful not to be working in politics anymore!!  I took a week completely off and I did not go anywhere, but I rested.. I read, I watched movies, I cooked yummy healthy meals, I worked out, I spent time just letting myself refresh, recharge, rejuvenate, reset.  And it might just have been the loveliest week of my life.  I feel like me again.  I began to feel creative again.  I began to feel free and whole.

Most importantly, I spent a lot of time with the Lord - praying, reading my Bible, reading devotionals, and reading a lovely book called Walking on Water, by Madeline L'Engle.  It is a book about being an artist, her meditations on art and faith. This is a necessary book for me to read right now as I have spent twenty years denying that I am first and foremost, artistic. Way back in college I decided that I needed to be practical and pursuing a creative degree was just not practical. Law was practical and so I went to law school, making the biggest mistake of my life.  You cannot deny your very nature for twenty years and expect to live your life fully.

It is no wonder that by the last couple of years I was truly miserable, depressed, stressed out all the time, not quite fully alive.  I need to pursue a creative life!  And so here I go! Completely reset and ready to embark on a brand new chapter!