A Ridiculous Election!

What's on my mind? A lot. I have had a lot of interesting, eye-opening, frustrating conversations this weekend. And most of them have brought me right back to what I have been mulling over for quite some time.

A while ago I read a book called "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From The American Dream." by David Platt. It was something I had already been thinking about - how somehow Christianity had become so entwined with Conservatism and the Republican Party.

And this election cycle.. all it's ugliness... and deep divides. I can't help but wonder if God is trying to get our attention. Trying to call us back, away from AmeriChristianity. Away from the Idols we have made of comfort and security and prosperity and even freedom.

It feels like somewhere along the line "God and Country" got out of order. We began to want God to fit The American Ideal, rather than us trying to live His way. He calls us to put nothing above Him, we want Him to Make America Great.

He asks us to take care of the widows and orphans, and He goes out of His way to command that women and foreigners be treated with a higher respect than the culture of the time. We think women are nothing more than sex objects and foreigners will destroy our country.

He calls men to a higher standard, we twist ourselves into pretzels to insist that, despite all evidence to the contrary, men who brag about their lies and sexual assaults and racism are still "good men".

We sacrifice millions of children to the god of convenience and, despite all biological evidence, insist that the woman is just exercising control over her own body, not killing a child.

We laugh at the poor and weak and mentally ill. We call them lazy and stupid and insist that they need to just "get a job" rather than showing compassion.

We turn a blind eye to pornography and how it has changed an entire generation's view of sex and their bodies.

We cannot handle it when someone disagrees with us and we call it "persecution" or "_____phobia"

The list seems endless. No one is immune.

I am not immune. I fear Donald Trump and the damage he can do to our nation, mostly in terms of relations with other countries and his potential to actually start a war. I do not want Hilary Clinton to be President either - let me be clear on that, since it seems that people assume if you don't like one, you must love the other.

But my point is this - maybe as Christians we should be Thankful that we have no good options for President. Maybe we should be Thankful we are forced to re-evaluate some of our opinions, some of our fears, some of our thoughts on where our security comes from.

God is still on His Throne.
God is moving mightily in countries where actual persecution is taking place and has taken place for centuries.
Why are we special?
Why should we not suffer with and for our brothers and sisters here and around the globe?

I am letting this convict me, letting go of my fear, and praying for a revival. Anyone with me?

Changes

I have had this blog for several years now and not done much with it.  I guess I'm not sure what I want it to be exactly.  I always feel like if I put anything out there for the world to see it has to be all impressive.  Or whatever.  So I think of ideas of things I want to write about.  And they sit there because I don't really have the time I want to give them.  Or the energy some days.  I have been fighting with some chronic knee and back pain this year.  And some days, even with painkillers, even with a brace, even with occasional use of a walking stick (yeah it was that bad), some days I just had no energy.  And when you have no energy you have no creativity.  Ask any artist/writer/other creative type.

And right now I am a frustrated writer.  With several books in progress, one even kinda close to being done, but having some writer's block.  Every time I sit to write lately I just want to beat my head against a wall.  So I'm here.  Hoping maybe this will unblock my headspace.  My knee is mostly better.  Yay!  I feel like now I have more normal 40something aches and pains rather than feeling like an invalid.  And I am thankful.  And still stuck.

Or rather rambling here.  Hoping that no one will actually read this.  Or maybe I don't care anymore.  Maybe that's Why I get so stuck.  Because I don't really feel free to let my words run free.  I'm always just waiting to be judged.  But I wanna be brave.  (Sing it Sara Bareilles https://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4 !)

Anyway.  I think I finally know what I want this blog to be.  My space to rant, vent, muse, or whatever.  I may put more poems up.  I may review books/movies/TV shows.  And I know I will probably never go viral or gain a big following.  And you know what?  That's ok.  I just want to feel like I can say what I wanna say and let the words fall out...

Spring

It's Spring!  A time of joy and excitement and newness!  When many people seem to be so full of energy, brimming over with plans for projects and activities, and filled with desire to be outside!  Trees are blooming (quite late this year), the grass is green and the sounds of mowers are filling the air again, along with the smells of bar-be-ques.  Proms, graduations, bike rides, picnics, golf, baseball, sand volleyball... and soon there will be swimming and the ice cream truck making it's rounds... Summer is coming, and then Autumn again, and Winter... a wonderful, never-ending cycle.  Sun, Rain, Blooming Flowers, Green Grass, Thunderstorms, Blistering Heat, Crisp Air, Falling Leaves, Snow, Wind, Bitter Cold... I can't imagine living where there are no Seasons.

What goes around...

It seems these days that a trip to Target invariably means running into numerous college girls wearing leggings as pants (usually with short tops).  I was in college the first time this "fashion" was popular.  So, apparently we're up to the 90's in retro fashion, which makes sense as styles cycle about every twenty years or so.  I always find it interesting that young women seem to want to wear clothes so similar to the ones their mothers wore when they were young women (in order to assert their individual styles of course). Styles which their mothers were wearing around the time they were born.  Styles which would have made a huge imprint on their minds during their formative years.

And the hilarious part is that they never understand the connection they are so unwittingly making.  I remember being very in love with hip-hugging wide leg jeans, with peasant blouses, with scarves and leather necklaces and general hippie-chick chic.  I also remember my Mom laughing at me and asking if I wanted any of her old clothes.  I wonder if the mothers of these young women are digging in the backs of their closets for their old leggings, off-the-shoulder sweaters, leg warmers, and neon anything; thinking about how cool we used to think we were and how since then, we have come to see those styles as utterly ridiculous.

But I don't have any daughters, so I am just left shaking my head and giggling to myself in Target, exerting every ounce of energy I have to restrain myself from walking up to these girls, so proudly wearing their non-pants, and telling them that in a few years they will wonder what on earth they were thinking.

You Make Everything Lovely

That was my Dove promise tonight.  It made me smile as I thought about how that is something I strive for every day.  To make my surroundings lovely, to have lovely experiences, to see the loveliness in my world.  Lovely is one of my favorite words to use when I find something beautiful.. relaxing.. encouraging.. peaceful.. wonderful..  I love things that excite the senses... sights, sounds, smells, tastes, textures... lovely things!  And I hope I really do give some of that loveliness back to my little corner of the world.  I hope I have a lovely attitude towards life and other people, though sometimes I know I don't. Even so, I hope that, in some small way, I make life lovely for those around me.  

Faith and Politics

I read an article yesterday about how many young people are leaving the church because of political views, and while this is not good, I can actually understand it.  I've been thinking a lot recently about the relationship between faith and politics in America, and while our beliefs should definitely shape our political views, it often seems the reverse is true, and our political ideals shape how we see Jesus and what His church should look like and act like.

Why do I do it?

Why is the urge to not accept good so strong? Silly little example, but so indicative of what I do all the time... last night as I got into bed it was like laying inside a cloud. The sheets were soft and the bed and pillow were perfectly supportive. And yet the urge to roll over onto my other side was so strong I could hardly resist.  Why? When I was perfectly positioned and incredibly comfortable? Why couldn't I just fall asleep in such bliss? Why did I feel the need to ruin it? Such self-sabotage is a very small thing, but I know I do it on a larger scale all the time. Why is so hard for some of us to believe that we really can have good?

Savoring the Moment

A few days ago I had a bit of an epiphany.  I had spent the day running around - cleaning, errands, workout... By the time I hit the shower that evening I was exhausted.  I was hot, sweaty, grimy, and basically too tired to even want to shower.  But soon the warm water and steam were changing my mind. I looked at all the products I use every day, barely noticing them... coconut shampoo, honey and almond conditioner, grapefruit and ginger body wash, olive body butter... it was like a spa at the beach! I took time to really savor each scent, to imagine that the warm water cascading over me was really a waterfall on a desert island.  It was the most relaxing ten minutes I've spent in a long time.   And I wondered.. how often do I ignore the blessings of each moment because I'm rushing through them?  I'm sure glad I didn't miss that amazing blessing, that wonderful, stress-busting moment!

Music to Worship By

Tonight I was listening to classical piano music as I had my quiet time with the Lord.  I do this often as I have noisy neighbors and it helps me block out their TV's and video games and focus my mind.  As I began to read (Psalm 78), the song playing was Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.  The cadence of the sonata fit so well with the cadence of the Psalm and I began to think about how so many psalms were the worship songs of the day. And I felt a stirring in my heart... the words seemed even more moving with the music behind them.

I know right now I could share my thoughts on modern Christian Music, and believe me, I have my opinions, but tonight... I'd rather be lost in the beauty of worshiping the Lord in song and thinking of how it connects all of God's people through time.  How did it feel to the Israelites to sing these songs we see printed in our Bibles?  How did David feel when he composed them?  How did he feel when he danced before the Lord?  I know that tonight my heart was soaring as I read about the many times God rescued His people, and sinking as I read of their lack of faith in Him... their testings and trials and exiles, and then at peace while pondering how He saved them, and us, all undeserving and yet so loved.

Listening to or playing the Moonlight Sonata is a frequent occurrence in my home.  I love that song and there is just something so soothing about it, it always calms my heart and mind, whether I am stressed out or anxious or sad... but now it will have even more meaning for me.  From tonight forward, when I hear or play it, it will remind me to think on the Lord's deliverance and delight in the One who created Song.

The Not-So-Cold December Rain

It is raining.  On December 13th.  What an odd experience to be listening to the rain while all around me are Christmas decorations lighting up the room.  While I was driving home earlier, I noticed how the green of the traffic lights and the red of brake lights were reflecting on the wet pavement, creating a very Christmasy feeling in me.  Something I have had a difficult time mustering up this year.  We had an absolutely beautiful autumn here in Nebraska, with temperatures in the sixties and seventies even on Thanksgiving Day and beyond.  Beautiful, but not exactly inspiring of a Christmas Spirit.  And then, the first Saturday in December... snow!  A softly falling, all day long kind of snow, the kind that leaves a gorgeous winter wonderland in it's wake.  Finally!  Time to take down the scarecrows and sunflowers (ok, I leave some sunflowers up all year... I just love them!)  and put up the tree, and the stockings, and the snowmen, and the lights.... lovely.  And yet, even after watching several of my favorite Christmas movies these past couple of weeks, it still just doesn't "feel" like Christmas.

But what *should* Christmas feel like anyway?

I suspect it's not what the barrage of commercials and holiday specials tell us.  And I think it changes depending on what stage of life we're in.  I remember as a kid being so excited I couldn't sleep, wondering what was under the tree for me, and whether Santa had come.  Then in college and after it was about family and traditions... Christmas Eve service, dinner and games, then watching The Muppet Christmas Carol.  And my mother's wonderful imagination, creating a treasure hunt for us every Christmas Day.

And now, December seems more... reflective ... to me.  Less unbridled excitement.  More busyness.  Less angst.  More peace.  And still... the part of me that will always feel like a child.  The part that grins from ear to ear when I hear the Grinch song, or I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.

And part of me will always be a slightly rebellious young adult, reflected in my love for the rocking Christmas Eve Sarejevo 12/24 but Transiberian Orchestra.  And on the happy note of that song, I will end this post.  :D

Random Tuesday Night Thoughts

Lately I have been absolutely loving this song




And towards the end of that video, it reminded me of this one



which was one of my very favorite songs back in college.  Apparently I liked the whole Steampunk vibe even then lol.  There is something just really fascinating about the idea of future and past meeting and blending in cool ways.  Like the new Sherlock Holmes movies.  Or the (sadly) short-lived Bruce Campbell series The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.

I think that like these songs, those ideas don't move just me.  They're popular because they move something basic in us.  A longing for adventure, for stirring emotion, for excitement, for creativity, and new ideas.  The past meets the future and it is sublime - everything maybe our present is not.

How often do we not live in the present?  We are stuck in the past...tied to guilt or the consequences of our poor choices, or others' poor choices which affected us.  Or we are looking to the future, thinking that things will all get better "someday", or focusing so much on achieving our goals that we don't stop to "smell the roses".

I've done both, and plenty of it!  But I've been thinking so much lately about living in the moment, appreciating each experience I'm being blessed with (whether it feels like a blessing at the time or not).  If I'm constantly beating myself up about my past or living in the future in my mind, what am I missing right now? 

But what if I feel like I've messed things up beyond repair?  This has been my struggle for the past several months... evaluating the choices I've made... what could have/should I have done differently?  Where would I be if I had done X instead of Y?  Would I necessarily be happier or better off? 

And then, the earth-shattering revelation...What if right now I'm exactly where I need to be? What if all those "mistakes" got me to deal with old hurts that were still haunting me?  What if without those trials I wouldn't be who I am now?  What if I would still be stuck in old patterns that were sucking my very life away?  What if now really is the perfect time?  The time of Healing, the time of New, the time of God doing Amazing things in my life!

This last video sums it up perfectly.  My favorite song for a couple years now... every time I hear it, it moves me.  I would encourage you to really listen to the words. 



It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right, what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will, or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

Time to face up, clean this old house, time to breathe in and let everything out
I believe You're up to something bigger than me
It feels like chaos but now I can see!
Something Heavenly

What if right now, right where I am, is truly something Heavenly?  I'm giving in!

Be Still

"Be still and know that I am God"  ~ Psalm 46:10

God has been speaking this verse, this idea, to me in many ways these last few weeks.  Today it came through a devotional I read daily ~ "Streams in the Desert" by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman.  Compiled and written by her nearly a century ago, a book of collected poems, hymns, sermons...wonderful devotional.  But I digress.  The point today is to learn to be still enough to hear God speak.

Today's devotion was from A.B. Simpson, meditating on Job 4:16 "there was silence, then I heard a voice"  Pastor Simpson talked about his experience of learning to ignore everything that clamored for his attention, inside and out, and to finally hear the Lord.

He said he read a booklet called "True Peace" and into my head came the image of Jesus calming the wind and stilling the waves of the sea in the midst of a frightening storm, bringing peace to the sea and to His terrified disciples.  Jesus said Be Still, and there was Peace.

Can we have peace without stillness?  I don't believe Jesus will always calm our storms, but He can give us amazing peace right there, while everything rages around us.  Sometimes, when I am in the middle of a stressful situation, I see myself standing there while everything flies around me, the wind even catching my hair, but never harming me.  I am perfectly still as everything swirls chaotically and yet nothing touches me.  I am in the center of the storm, where it is calm and there is blue sky above.

I wish I could say that I always live in that peace, but I believe God has given me that image to comfort me in difficult times.  He is the God of all comfort after all.  (2 Cor. 1:3)

And I know that when I am not there, it is because I am rushing about, worrying, trying to fix what I, or others, have broken.  And often I find I have just made things worse because I have tried to do things in my own way rather than seeking God's guidance and direction. 

But when I am still enough to listen, God speaks, and then there is peace.