"Friends" and Freedom

Last night Friends was on the TV while I was cleaning up before bed, and it was the episode where Ross and Rachel go on their first real date - the one where they ended up at the planetarium.  Every time I see this episode I am transported back to my freshman year of college, when a popular thing to do was to go to the planetarium to see laser light shows set to Alt-Rock music.  Ahhh.... the 90's....

One Friday night, my friend Shannon drug me to one of these shows with a couple of her friends.  Unfortunately, I didn't yet know I was a migraine sufferer, so I had no idea that the combination of dancing lights and Nirvana would make my head feel like it was going to explode.  After the show, the others wanted to go to a party and at this point, a smart girl like me would have just gone home right?  Oh no... this was college!  I was supposed to be out having fun!

The party, of course, was miserable.  Loud, obnoxious people and folding chairs are most definitely not a good antidote to a migraine.  The real high point of the party was when some drunken guy informed me that I would look a lot happier with a drink in my hand *insert eye roll here*.  But after the party we walked a few blocks to a park (the one at 27th and Randolph for you Lincolnites), and hung out at the playground.  Swinging away, I was able to finally relax and let go of the tension of the night.

So why is this particular night, so many years ago, still so vivid in my mind?  I think because it is one of the first times I really felt like an outsider, unable to fit in where I was "supposed" to fit.  It was college!  Wasn't I supposed to be out there doing things like we did that night?   Every so often, through my twenties especially, that "I'm not doing life right" feeling reared it's ugly head again.  Sometimes it would seem like other people were having all these fun experiences that somehow I was missing out on even though I was attending the same events.

I could blame it on being an introvert, but that's another topic. Over time I realized it was more about just learning to be comfortable in my own skin, with who God created me to be. Too often I was trying to be everything to everyone, trying to meet all of their expectations. I know this is something many of us struggle with, there are so many voices in our heads... family, friends, bosses, fellow Christ-followers. I am just so amazed and thankful that the Lord has brought me through experiences that have taught me to seek what He expects of me, rather than letting those voices eat away at my confidence. He is the Source of confidence, of personality, of talents, and of true freedom.

Psalm 139:13-16 says it beautifully...

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well.

¹⁵ 

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

¹⁶ 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

    the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.

Today I am praising God for creating me exactly how He wants me, and how that gives me the freedom to serve Him with the gifts He has given me!