Of Migraines and Malaise

Tonight I am doing something different, posting even when I feel like there is not much to say.  I had a terrible migraine today so I wasn't "out and about" and observing things.  So often at the end of migraine days I'm just kinda depressed.  Besides my body being in pain and fatigued, my brain usually just feels so fuzzy, like I can't put even one thought together in a coherent manner.

But I'm tired of being limited by this condition.  I read a quote the other day, I believe by one of the Nebraska Volleyball players... she said someone once told her not to be limited by what you can't do, but rather to focus on what you can do.  (That's not an exact quote obviously.)  That struck me so powerfully - having had chronic pain issues for most of my adult life, I had begun to be bogged down by it, feeling sorta useless.  Which, as anyone who has been through chronic pain issues can understand.  It wears on you, exhausts you... so many days you are simply surviving, trying to just make it through the things that absolutely *must* be done each day.  Forget the fun or "extra" stuff.  

So now I think it's time to remember the things I am good at, the things I can do.  One thing that has been great about this Christmas Season is that it has sparked my creative side again - making crafty gifts for friends and family.  And the amazing thing is that while I've been painting and crocheting, I have forgotten the pain for hours at a time!  It's been amazing!   I realize now that I need to keep a creative outlet, one that engages my mind and my hands.  And crocheting is incredibly relaxing.  Although... it is a cozy activity, something I will not want to do in the summer months (as I know from experience, I've been crocheting for years now), so it will be fun to find a new hobby when spring hits :)

I also can say that I am incredibly thankful for my wonderful chiropractor.

And now for tonight's fun Christmas song.  One of my very favorites!

The Not-So-Cold December Rain

It is raining.  On December 13th.  What an odd experience to be listening to the rain while all around me are Christmas decorations lighting up the room.  While I was driving home earlier, I noticed how the green of the traffic lights and the red of brake lights were reflecting on the wet pavement, creating a very Christmasy feeling in me.  Something I have had a difficult time mustering up this year.  We had an absolutely beautiful autumn here in Nebraska, with temperatures in the sixties and seventies even on Thanksgiving Day and beyond.  Beautiful, but not exactly inspiring of a Christmas Spirit.  And then, the first Saturday in December... snow!  A softly falling, all day long kind of snow, the kind that leaves a gorgeous winter wonderland in it's wake.  Finally!  Time to take down the scarecrows and sunflowers (ok, I leave some sunflowers up all year... I just love them!)  and put up the tree, and the stockings, and the snowmen, and the lights.... lovely.  And yet, even after watching several of my favorite Christmas movies these past couple of weeks, it still just doesn't "feel" like Christmas.

But what *should* Christmas feel like anyway?

I suspect it's not what the barrage of commercials and holiday specials tell us.  And I think it changes depending on what stage of life we're in.  I remember as a kid being so excited I couldn't sleep, wondering what was under the tree for me, and whether Santa had come.  Then in college and after it was about family and traditions... Christmas Eve service, dinner and games, then watching The Muppet Christmas Carol.  And my mother's wonderful imagination, creating a treasure hunt for us every Christmas Day.

And now, December seems more... reflective ... to me.  Less unbridled excitement.  More busyness.  Less angst.  More peace.  And still... the part of me that will always feel like a child.  The part that grins from ear to ear when I hear the Grinch song, or I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.

And part of me will always be a slightly rebellious young adult, reflected in my love for the rocking Christmas Eve Sarejevo 12/24 but Transiberian Orchestra.  And on the happy note of that song, I will end this post.  :D