Changes

I have had this blog for several years now and not done much with it.  I guess I'm not sure what I want it to be exactly.  I always feel like if I put anything out there for the world to see it has to be all impressive.  Or whatever.  So I think of ideas of things I want to write about.  And they sit there because I don't really have the time I want to give them.  Or the energy some days.  I have been fighting with some chronic knee and back pain this year.  And some days, even with painkillers, even with a brace, even with occasional use of a walking stick (yeah it was that bad), some days I just had no energy.  And when you have no energy you have no creativity.  Ask any artist/writer/other creative type.

And right now I am a frustrated writer.  With several books in progress, one even kinda close to being done, but having some writer's block.  Every time I sit to write lately I just want to beat my head against a wall.  So I'm here.  Hoping maybe this will unblock my headspace.  My knee is mostly better.  Yay!  I feel like now I have more normal 40something aches and pains rather than feeling like an invalid.  And I am thankful.  And still stuck.

Or rather rambling here.  Hoping that no one will actually read this.  Or maybe I don't care anymore.  Maybe that's Why I get so stuck.  Because I don't really feel free to let my words run free.  I'm always just waiting to be judged.  But I wanna be brave.  (Sing it Sara Bareilles https://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4 !)

Anyway.  I think I finally know what I want this blog to be.  My space to rant, vent, muse, or whatever.  I may put more poems up.  I may review books/movies/TV shows.  And I know I will probably never go viral or gain a big following.  And you know what?  That's ok.  I just want to feel like I can say what I wanna say and let the words fall out...